Glasses, the Bane of My Life

“I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror.” ~ Cherie Lunghi

I remember getting glasses in first grade. I had been chastised by my teacher because I didn’t want to try to color tiny little pictures. She actually grabbed my paper one time and marched me to the Kindergarten class to show my work and say something like, “Jimmy doesn’t like to do his work, look at this example.”

Oh sure, I took the eye test in first grade, they thought my sight was fine. But my parents got a call from one of our church members saying something like:

Observer: We just saw your kid run into a tree.

Parent: Oh, kids will be kids.

Observer: No, you don’t understand, he was looking right at it.

I hated glasses and for so many reasons. They were a pain. I lost them all the time, and my family couldn’t really afford them. I broke a lot of glasses, in elementary school we played hard. Keeping them clean was a real pain. But my eyesight was really bad, legally blind in one eye, so there you are.

Now, I am used to glasses. I even went through a phase of wearing contacts, but my eyes are naturally dry, so that wasn’t a good thing to do. Turns out now I think glasses look cool. I mean, if you don’t have to wear them good on you. But they can be rather stylish. Oh, and seeing well is good too. <big smile>

My grandson has made wearing glasses cool. Here he is sporting some really nice specs. When I saw them they reminded me of Quest Love’s glasses that he wears when leading the Roots on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.

Fashion has always kinda liked the idea of glasses. They can be stylist, make a statement, and controversial. But I never understood *wanting* to wear glasses when you didn’t need to.

       

As I get older, more and more people are wearing glasses as they age. They are becoming ubiquitous. And sometimes, wearing glasses can be made outright funny. For example, there are so many humorous pictures of animals wearing glasses.

The world of glasses related humor is vast. Consider this combination of the “blonde” and “glasses” joke.

A blonde guy goes to a local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, and isn’t fully convinced, but the store manager comes along and closes the deal.

On his way home, he puts on his new x-ray glasses and can’t believe his eyes. He sees everyone in the street naked. He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. He puts the glasses back on, and everyone is naked!

He rushes home and is eager to show his new toy to his wife, but he can’t find her. He goes up to the bedroom where he finds his wife and the mailman, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they’re still naked.

“Damn!” he says. “I just paid fifty bucks for these and they’re already broken!”

I’ll leave you with one last word of advice for your consideration. Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.