Musical Offenses and Corresponding Fines

Found on the Contrabass Web site. Thanks Grant.

                 Musical Offenses, and Corresponding Fines

Bad Taste

Equipment Violations

Obnoxiously showy warm-up

$15

Dropping mute

$10

Vibrato on unison passage

$10

Dropping horn

$50

Failure to swing

$90

Dropping dead

$3

Playing highest possible note during warm-up

$25

Forgetting pencil

$10

Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig

$10

Forgetting porno magazines

$99

Failure to use 3rd valve slide when necessary

$10

Blaming mistake on bad reed

$35

Being told by Leader to play louder

$75

Blaming mistake on sticky valve

$35

Taking tuning note up an octave

$20

Polishing horn on stage

$65

Playing Bb when band is playing A

$45

More Bad Taste

Blacking out after high note

$10

Having nicer gig bag than rest of section

$25

 

Lead Players

Practicing legit style on commercial gig

$15

Changing mouthpiece mid-song

$15

Beginning sentence with "When I played with Kenton"

$99

Faking section into early entrance

$15

Wearing white socks with black suit

$15

Faking self into early entrance

$90

Looking better than Band Leader

$25

Asking Leader if it’s OK to take lick up an octave

$25

Playing better than Leader

$1

Asking Leader if it’s OK to take lick down an octave

$75

Basic Stupidity

Missing last note on "In the Mood"

$95

Drunkenness on gig

$10

Non-Lead Players

Sobriety on gig

$75

Missing entrance when lead player drops out on unison

$25

Sitting next to Leader at pre/post gig meal

$85

Hanging over when lead player drops out on last chord

$85

Riding to gig with Leader

$95

Attempting unassigned high note

$90

Pretending to be friends with Bone players

$25

Asking lead player what mouthpiece he uses

$25

Actually being friends with Bone player

$50

Pointing out to lead player that guy on record took it up

$50

Dating Bone player

$95

Attempting to out-screech lead player

$30

Playing on a Jet-Tone mouthpiece

$15

Successfully out-screeching lead player

$95

Playing an Accordion

$99

Continuously asking "Where are we?"

$30

Reporting income to IRS

$99

Apparently compiled by a trumpet player.

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About Gandalfe

Just an itinerant saxophonist trying to find life between the changes. I have retired from the Corps of Engineers and Microsoft. I am an admin on the Woodwind Forum, run the Microsoft Jumpin' Jive Orchestra, and enjoy time with family and friends.
This entry was posted in Music. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Musical Offenses and Corresponding Fines

  1. Deb's says:

    just wondering how much you owe?? you dont seem to have included that info…lol ;))how long is it now for your trip… Norway isn’t it? hugsdebsxXx

  2. JaAG says:

    I’ll never tell. ;o)It’s a Scandinavian cruise including stops in St. Petersburg and Poland. It can’t come soon enough. Thanks for stopping by Witchy. :o)

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